After what happened yesterday, I am even more certain of my decision to be a SAHM until zy goes to childcare.

zy was all well and happy before noon till he took his nap. & when he woke up, he looked at me and was somehow, signalling me that he needed me. I thought he wanted milk so I warmed a packet of my expressed milk, meanwhile, playing with him with a puppet to distract him.

But I sensed something was wrong.

His lips were turning purple, as well as his hands and legs. Maybe he is cold and hungry, I thought. So I carried him up and tried feeding him. He rejected drinking and started to whimper and weep, looking at me with his pitiful eyes.

I knew it. He was not feeling well.

So I quickly checked his temperature. Gosh, 38,4oC. Tempted to give him infant panadol immediately, my mind and heart told me to just head for the clinic or hospital.

Everything happened so fast. In just 5 min, we were in a cab heading to Mount Alvernia hospital.

zy was shivering and silent. In a daze. I hugged him real close and kept my spirits high by singing and talking to him.

I must stay calm to make him feel less afraid and more secured.

When we reached the hospital, his temperature rose to 39.9oC. The doctor had to give a shot to bring down his temperature.

zy was in a daze all the while.

Within my heart, I was crying. But I could not show it.

I just continued carrying, singing and talking to him to keep him sane.

I was hoping that the fever will not burn his brain.

Fortunately, thank god, everything is ok now. The moment the temperature decreased to 38+oC, he resumed his cheeky self again.

That's my boy.

If I was not at home, I cannot imagine how things will turn out.

My decisiveness and focus were finally put into good use. Being in control of what I am doing and how things are happening, I feel calm and confident that zy will be alright with me around.

& zy needed me.

When we finally got home, I felt instant relieved and tired. & an urge to cry.

Thank god.